A Year Ago Today....

The Narnia movie just released it's third film in the series by C.S. Lewis, just in time for Christmas Holiday. However, it is an image from the first book, and the first movie that plays in my memory on this day.

The image is the one where Aslan has been shaved, and killed, and as he lay there, the Witch and all of her minions are dancing and celebrating, taunting the ravaged body, laughing insults of 'where is your strength now'? He is so broken. So... dead.

On the day that Jesus died, don't think for a second that a similiar party didn't ensue. The depiction of Aslan's death, and the Witch's shameless, wicked celebration is just a reenactment of what actually happened all those years ago.

But just 3 days later, Jesus rose. And so did Aslan. The movie did a great job of that victorious roar... it shook fear into the armies of the Witch, into the Witch herself. There was to be a reckoning, and Aslan had overcome death. He let them think they had the last word, but oh no. He was not going to let them have the last word. He went to overtake the victory. Just when all of the children thought they had lost the battle, Aslan came to take it back.

Today is the year anniversary to a similiar defeat. Put enough pressure on a precious thing, and it will break. And make no mistake, if I were a betting woman, I'd bet there was a celebration in the wicked realms. In my heart, in my soul, I felt the dance steps of millions of happy enemies dancing on the ashes of my life. But I knew that when you give God the situation, He takes it and makes beauty from ashes. He would make everything better. He allows you to be broken so He can build you up. Yet somehow, 3 days later there was no resurrection. No roar of a king to take back what was stolen, diminished, beaten down.

Three days later there was no sense of fight, no sense of desire for a victory. I was poised to give God the 'W' but my counterpart was not. It could have been a beautiful, wonderful real-life example of God's power. It would have changed the lives of the people who stood by and watched. Jesus' love always does. Theology and belief and feelings can be debated, but real-life, first hand experience is irrefutable. What an honor it is when your life serves as proof of a real, true, all-powerful God who is real in this very moment, not just a story book character that can be held at arms-length.

What kind of a movie would it have been if when Aslan came running, his army just laid down? Let themselves be slain? What if they heard the chilling, powerful roar, and they sat defeated and depressed saying "Too much. Too late. It's impossible." It would have sucked at the box office, that's to be sure.

But I thought after a year there would be victory. That God would be allowed the room to move, to save, to restore. I don't know why the answer to that has been 'No', other than I have been taught to give up everything for Christ. That nothing I use to make myself feel better about myself, my life, my place or position in others' eyes... that none of those things matter in the eyes of my Savior. I hold on to nothing this Christmas. Not my dignity, not my family, not a single earthly thing, not even the human hope that someone else's will would be won over by a powerful and Almighty Victor.

Life is not a movie. And life doesn't even imitate biblical history, if we're not aligning our lives with others who want to live their own 'biblical' story, and have their lives reveal biblical truths.

I believe there is a purpose. I believe there has to be. If the loose ends of my life are loose, they are that way for a reason I do not see. And one day, I know I will hear the roar of my King coming, and it will cause all who hear to shudder, and bend their knee in awe of the Almighty Victor. I pray that they will let their faces be held in the hands of a loving King who wipes their tears. I am jealous for those I love to have that experience.

May your life be an experience where you really, truly see God's face. May you allow yourself to see Him clearly this holiday season.

From Glass Alabaster, she poured out the depths of her soul...

Oh, woe foot of Christ, would you wait if her harlotry's known?

Falls a tear, to darken the dirt,

Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt...

She is strong enough to stand in your love,

I can hear her say:

I'm weak,

I'm poor,

I'm broken, Lord, but I'm yours....

Hold me now.

Hold me now.

'Let he without sin, cast the first stone, if he will.

To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled?'

'Point your fingers, and laugh if you choose...

To say my beloved is borrowed and used? She is strong enough

to stand in my love.'

I can hear her say:

I'm weak.

I'm poor.

I'm broken, Lord, but I'm yours.

Hold me now.

Hold me now.


-Jennifer Knapp


Have you ever defended the weak? Have you ever had your mom stand in front of one of your siblings, or yourself to defend the underdog, with hand on hip, and other arm extended out to the side, with finger pointed and giving the whole "You need to remember they aren't able to keep up with you! You have to be careful! Don't you be mean to (tease, run away from, pester) the little ones!" Have you ever seen someone with some serious attitude defend their friend to an offender? And homegirl is noooot happy?

Well, that is what I imagine Jesus did for Mary Magdalene. Granted, I don't think he snapped his fingers in a 'z formATion' and walked away with a 'talk to the hand', but I think homeboy was not happy.

I still think homeboy is not happy. And he's not just homeboy. He's God of the universe. The great I AM. Perfect. Without fault. Never makes a bad decision. Always right. Perfect.

And yet, he defends those of us who cannot even begin to live up to those standards. And it makes him angry when humble hearts are condemned by the pious, the self-righteous.

And beware, if you just said to yourself, 'I'm not pious. I'm not self-righteous.' Has anyone ever done anything that you totally think is wrong? I mean, really wrong, even by biblical standards? Ethical, moral standards? And you are just indignant? "I would never have done such a thing." or "I could not imagine doing such a thing." Yeah, you. Pious. Self-righteous. Me too. Don't worry, God will humble you, if you let him, one way or another. He certainly has for me.

Let he without sin, cast the first stone.

Enjoy this new blog. It's going to be a journey worth venturing...